


To This Lost Heart Be Kind

by esthete, quietbun



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Arranged Marriage, Bad Parenting, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Families of Choice, Family Drama, M/M, Mutual Pining, Parental gaslighting, Politics, Raijinshuu - Freeform, Secret Relationship, arranged marriage between second cousins, fraxus, thunder legion, thunder squad loves and respects freed so much and so do i
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-03-13 14:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18942724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esthete/pseuds/esthete, https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietbun/pseuds/quietbun
Summary: When Freed's mysterious past catches up with him after Tenrou, he leaves his team and disappears. Even with few clues they are determined to find their missing Captain and knock some sense into him. Laxus’s recently-realized crush only makes things more complicated.Meanwhile Freed struggles under the weight of old secrets and new responsibilities. He’s determined to protect his friends and guild at any cost- but there’s more to lose than he ever imagined, and Fairy Tail mages doesn’t tolerate self-sacrifice.





	1. Disparu

**Author's Note:**

> Fairy Tail? In my 2019? It's more likely than you think.  
> Poor Freed/Raijinshuu/Fraxus fandom is too small, so here's a little something for the eight of us left.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disparu (French): meaning missing or faded away

“Laxus, pay _attention_! The point of this is to dodge, not to assume any attack is gonna bounce off your overgrown muscles.”

“I know, I know,” Laxus grumbled, rubbing at the new sore spot on his shoulder. Ever’s Leprechaun magic bullets stung even when she was holding back. Still, the welts were nothing compared to the dressing-down Freed was sure to give him for taking so many hits. He was determined to sharpen Laxus’s speed even if it meant putting him through trial-by-Evergreen.

She landed and stretched her arms above her head, letting her wings vanish. “What’s going on with you today? You shouldn’t be having such a hard time.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve spent the last hour shooting at me.”

“Want to take a break?”

“Gods, yes.”

Stepping out of the rune barrier they’d been practicing in, Laxus nearly sighed in relief as he felt magic rushing back into his veins. How many handicaps did Freed build into the damn thing?

Letting Freed plan everyone’s pre-Grand Magic Games training routines was probably a mistake. Letting Freed plan _his_ training was _definitely_ a mistake. Laxus was big, strong, fast, talented, and he knew it. He’d only expected to work on stamina, since there had to be a few mages there who would take more than one lightning strike to go down. After months of lonely exile and the whirlwind of Tenrou, three months doing cardio with his team sounded like just the vacation he needed.

For the others it was just that. Freed had insisted on renting them a cabin in the middle of nowhere, saying they could practice without fear of anyone spying on their training. Which was weird, since it’s not something they’d worried much about before. Either way the Raijinshuu spent the days polishing their skills- focused, but casually relaxed in the way the four of them could never manage to be around anyone else. Bixslow had been going without his helmet and even Evergreen was in workout clothes rather than a dress.

Except in Laxus’s case, where Freed seemed determined to turn this trip into his own personal hell. He had always admired his tactician’s mind and brilliant battle sense. Without him Laxus’s strategy for any fight would be “hit the other guy real hard ‘til he gives up”. But now Freed’s keen eye was turned on _him_ , picking out weaknesses Laxus didn’t even know he had and coming up with runes and exercises that brutally exploited them.

Two weeks in and Laxus was the only one falling into bed dead tired every night. He hadn’t been pushed this hard since his dad oversaw his training when he was a kid, though that comparison wasn’t fair. Freed and Ivan Dreyar were about as different as two people could be.

Dammit. He just couldn’t keep Freed off his mind lately. Call that reason number two this training retreat was so excruciating.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Evergreen sat on the grass next to him and offered a water bottle.

“Nothin’.”

“Please, you’ve been distracted ever since we came out here.”

“Just been thinking… that you guys are focusing too much on me. Shouldn’t you be spending more time working on your own magic?” That wasn’t what Ever was asking about and he knew it, but it was a good distraction, and he _had_ been wondering.

“Oh.” Evergreen brushed her hair back. “Well, I can’t speak for sure for the other two, but we’ve talked about it and… none of us are planning on being in the Games.”

“Really? Why?”

“Different reasons. I don’t want to show the whole world how my magic works. Same with Bixslow, and he also doesn’t like using his Seith magic against people who aren’t really enemies. And as for Freed, he was more opposed than either of us but didn’t say why. Maybe it’s because all our eye abilities are technically dark magics. Not the _best_ first impression Fairy Tail could make after seven years.”

“Dark, shmark.” Laxus crossed his arms. “You all have great magic. Anyone who says differently can take it up with me.”

Evergreen laughed, a little pink. “Aw, so you do love us.”

“Shut up. Anyways I got my magic from illegal human experimentation and no one seems to complain about that. If I’m competing, you should too.”

“It’s okay, really. Personally I think Fairy Tail will be just fine without us. I’m happy to focus on powering you up for now- speaking of, we should get back to it. That is if that’s the oooonly thing that’s been on your mind.”

“No. I mean yes. There’s nothing else.”

“Are you _suuuure_?” Ever was grinning mischievously.

“Stop doing that. It’s nothing. I can handle it.” He’d rather go back to being shot at with Leprechaun than continue this conversation.

“That doesn’t sound like nothing. Sure it’s not anything the spectacular and amazing Evergreen could help with?”

“Why do I get the sense you already think you know what’s going on.” It wasn’t really a question. Evergreen had always considered herself an expert on her friends’ personal lives. Which was ironic, since according to Bixslow, she had a thing with Elfman that she was completely in denial about. Unlike _some_ people Laxus wasn’t going to pry. Meanwhile Ever picked out potential partners for her teammates like it’s a hobby.

The only problem was… that this time she was actually right. 

“Maybe because this whole trip I’ve had to watch you stutter like a teenager with his first crush whenever a certain Rune mage is around.” Ever said, looking way too pleased with herself.

Laxus put his face in his hands and groaned in defeat.

“Ha! I _knew_ it!”

“I’m not that obvious, am I?”

“Only to a brilliant love guru like myself. If it’s okay to ask, why now all of a sudden? You guys have known each other for years. How long has this been going on?”

“It’s. I don’t know. Recently, I guess? But also maybe for a while. When I was in exile, I mostly just wandered around. Saw places. Met people. And I…” he braced himself, “I messed around with some guys and I think I like them too,” he said all in one breath.

“Okay. And that made you realize you like Freed?”

“Kinda. It’s complicated.” God, as awful as this was, Laxus didn’t think he could stand having this conversation with anyone besides Ever. The old man was out of the question, Bixslow would joke too much, Freed himself was _obviously_ out, and Mira would listen but then meddle way too much. Evergreen was going to tease him about it but at least she would still do her best to give good advice. She really was like the sister Laxus never had, and as much as he hated to admit it, he could really use her help. If this went on much longer he was going to lose his damn mind.

“Uh, so,” Laxus began again, “I was figuring out a lot of shit while I was gone? And one of those things is that I’m sick of being, uh, _with_ someone that I don’t know real well. I thought maybe the problem was that maybe girls aren’t… but it was basically the same with guys. It always seemed like they were way more into it than I was, which kind of made me feel like an asshole.” He laughed at himself. “And I’ve been _really_ working on not being an asshole. So it made me think about… who did matter enough to make dating not feel so one-sided. That list is pretty short, and I know for sure I don’t like you or Bixslow or Mira. No offense?”

“None taken. I would’ve a few years ago, but I’ve accepted that not everyone can be charmed by my beauty. There’s no accounting for taste.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder dramatically.

“Sure, Ever. Basically I think I just realized that Freed was different. Had always been different, I guess. And that I could maybe… see myself. With him. And once I realized _that_ I couldn’t get him out of my head. Since I came back it’s gotten so much worse. He’s my best friend and suddenly I have no idea how to act around him. Makes me feel like a fuckin’ creep.”

Evergreen hummed and put her chin in her hands. “So tell him. You’re not exactly the type to beat around the bush like this.”

“If it was anyone else I would just say something, but this is _Freed_. What if he turns me down? You know he’s too like, honorable to leave the team even if I make him uncomfortable. The last thing I want to do is trap him like that. Not to mention that he should hate me anyways because of what a jerk I was. I still can’t believe you three want to stick around, let alone… you know.” He tried unsuccessfully to say it casually, like he hadn’t been worrying over this for months. “But I mean, he likes guys, right? So I’ve gotta have _some_ chance.”

“Yeah, I’d say so,” Ever said with a laugh.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Laxus asked incredulously. He was not in the mood to be jerked around right now.

“It means just _tell_ him, you big lug. Me and Bix can’t take much more of your pining. Honestly, the only reason Freed hasn’t picked up on it too is because he’s been distracted ever since we got back from Tenrou.”

“So I wasn’t imagining that? I just thought I was overthinking it because I’ve been so focused on… never mind. We’re talking about this now,” he declared.

“Whatever you say. And no, I don’t think you were imagining it. Bix noticed too. He’s been acting weird. Almost the moment the Master brought up the Games, he drags us out of Magnolia and sets us up to train in the middle of nowhere. Did you know he rented the cabin under a fake name?”

“No. Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know, he wouldn’t say. This is really unlike him.”

She was right, Freed didn’t do much of anything without a good reason. “Hm. I’ll talk to him. If there’s something dangerous going on I want to know about it.”

“Yeah, and ask him to bone down while you’re at it.”

“Shut up Evergreen.” Laxus grumbled but she only shoved him playfully.

“Don’t be so touchy! You better be more charming than that when you talk to Freed if you want to snag him. And here’s your chance- they must have finished whatever they were working on.” She waved her hand towards where Freed and Bixslow were coming through the trees. “Seriously, just tell him! No point waiting.”

“What’re you guys doing laying around? Tired already?” Called Bixslow. Laxus shot to his feet too quickly, knocking over his water bottle. Ever shot him an amused look.

“Don’t say a word,” he grumbled. God, she was going to be just insufferable about this, wasn’t she? It’s not his fault that Freed looked so damn good in the casual workout clothes he almost never wore. Not that Laxus didn’t like his usual put-together look, but the sleeveless shirt really showed off his arms and the slim cut of his waist.

“Hey,” Laxus said suddenly, “why do I smell blood?”

Bixslow grinned and leaned his arm on top of Freed’s head. “Because _someone_ had their head in the clouds and took a hit.”

“Airhead! Airhead!” Chanted his totems. Freed scowled and ducked away from Bixslow.

“I am _not_ an airhead, and it’s just a scrape,” Freed snapped. “And I seem to remember you ending up on the ground more often than I. Maybe we should work on this again tomorrow.”

“Nooo,” Bixslow groaned dramatically, “guys you gotta save me, he’s had me doing close-range _all day_.”

“Probably because that’s your weak point,” Laxus said unsympathetically.

“Easy for you to say. My babies hate being left out! How ‘bout we switch and he chases _you_ around with a sword?”

Evergreen elbowed Laxus in the ribs. “Yeah Laxus, go do some practice with Freed’s sword.”

Freed rolled his eyes and fiddled with his ponytail, ignoring her antics. “And how have you two fared? Evergreen?”

“This big lug can’t go thirty seconds without getting hit.” She smirked. Traitor.

“Not my fault! I can’t use my magic and have hardly any room to move around. You’re a slave driver, Freed. Did you have to make so many barriers?”

“Yes. You need to be prepared for opponents who are faster than you are.”

“Nobody’s faster than me,” Laxus pouted. “I don’t need it.”

“Don’t complain or I’ll add more handicaps.” Runes swirled around Freed’s finger and his black and purple eye peeked out from behind his bangs. “How does fifty pounds on your back sound?”

“No I’m good! I’m good.” He wasn’t “The Dark” for nothing, damn. Since Laxus returned from exile Freed had been much more willing to be hard on him, which was rough, even though he probably deserved it. Honestly it didn’t grate on him as much as he expected.

“That’s what I thought.” That cocky, self-satisfied grin was going to be the fucking end of him, damn. “Now who wants dinner? I left some chicken to marinade and it should be done about now.”

“Freed, you’re an angel.” Bixslow proclaimed. “A stubborn, ruthless angel.”

“And don’t you forget it. Let’s get back before the sun goes-”

Evergreen interrupted, digging through her backpack with one hand. “Oh, actually Freed, you should put something on that scrape of yours! In fact, you should have Laxus patch it up. Here, I have a first-aid kit.” She shoved it into Laxus’s startled hands.

“It really isn’t-”

“Don’t say that, remember when Bix cut his knuckle and the infection went all the way to his elbow? We’ll start dinner. Right, Bixslow?”

“Why would… uuhh, yeah we’ll do the food!” Bix was a little slower on the pickup, but grinned even bigger than usual when he caught on. “No rush, see you guys later!”

They both vanished over the hill like there was a dragon at their heels. Gods, that was painful to watch. Hadn’t either of them ever heard of subtlety? Evergreen really wasn’t as slick as she seemed to think she was at romance.

“Oh… kay, that was abrupt. What’s bothering those two?” Freed asked, frowning towards where they disappeared.

“Don’t ask me. But if Ever says so, I could look at your arm. Just, you know, so she won’t worry.” His heart already felt like it was beating out of his chest. Clumsy as it is, Evergreen had gone to the trouble of getting him alone with Freed, so he should take it, right? Figuring out all these stupid emotions probably meant that Laxus was going to need to talk to him. At some point.

“If you insist. I suppose it is a bad angle for me to reach.” Freed had to twist his arm to see the patch of raw red skin on his elbow.

The scrape was honestly not bad, barely bleeding anymore, which only made it more agonizingly obvious that Ever was just looking for an excuse to get them together. What if Freed thought he was in on it? This was so fucking embarrassing.

“So… how you been doing?” Laxus asked, just to break the silence. He dabbed dirt out of the wound with much more care than necessary.

Freed threw him a glance. “I’ve been well. And yourself?”

“Well. As well. Good too. Also.” Fuck fuck _fuck_ what the _fuck_ was he doing? Laxus Dreyar did not get tongue-tied. What the hell was wrong with him? This should not be this hard.

“That’s… good?” Freed said it like a question. This was such a mistake. What was his plan here, to confess to having _feelings_ in the middle of some field while he was all sweaty and dirty? Freed deserved better, something with champagne and dinner or… something. Unfortunately Laxus didn’t have a romantic bone in his body.

“So how has this training regimen been? I can adjust it up or down if you really need.” Thank fuck one of them was still capable of having a conversation like a human being.

“It’s been kicking my ass, but I guess that’s what it’s supposed to do. I didn’t know I had so many weak points until you came along.”

“I wasn’t trying to make you feel weak. You’re a talented mage, Laxus. But I… and the others, we won’t always be there to watch your back. You need to be able to stand on your own against anyone. There’s not much time to accomplish that.”

“What are you talking about? We still got almost three whole months until the Games. Which reminds me, Evergreen said you guys don’t want to be in them. Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.” Freed said immediately. “I’m not sure I want to go to Crocus at all, to be frank.”

“What, don’t want to come cheer me on?”

Laxus was joking, but Freed shook his head emphatically. “It’s not that! Of course I want to see you and Fairy Tail compete. It’s only that…” he trailed off.

“Well,” Laxus said after a moment, focusing intently on placing a bandage so he wouldn’t have to look at Freed’s face, “I’d understand if you’ve had your fill of fighting tournaments.”

“That’s not what I meant. The Battle of Fairy Tail has nothing to do with this.”

“It’s okay. I was a real asshole then. Fuck, I’m sorry about that.” The least Laxus could do was clear the air on that before springing a damn love confession on him.

“You’ve already apologized, Laxus.”

“Not enough. Not for everything. Don’t think I ever said sorry for almost hitting you with lightning at Kardia.”

“You weren’t trying to hit me,” Freed said like it was obvious.

“Doesn’t matter. I told myself it was to show you how serious I was, but really, I was just trying to scare you into listening to me. Because... if you weren’t by my side, I wouldn’t know what to do. But that stupid tournament wasn’t worth threatening you over. Nothing should be worth that. It was shitty and mean and I shouldn’t have done it.”

Freed gave a humorless huff. “And I shouldn’t have listened to you. I could have ended the game regardless what you said. Don’t act as if you were the only one who made poor choices that day.”

“It’s just, I’m still mad at myself. That I couldn’t stop when you told me to,” he said, almost too quietly to be heard.

“Laxus…”

“After all of the shit you had to put up with, and everything you’ve done for me, your voice should have been all I needed to snap out of it. But I couldn’t. Instead I just kept going and going and hurting more and more people. I was a fucking asshole.”

“You weren’t.”

“I was.”

“You were somewhat of an asshole,” he amended.

“And I’m also a dumbass, because I still can’t figure out what I can do to make it up to you.”

Freed sighed. “You know I’ve already forgiven you, right?”

“Just like that?” Laxus asked, doubtful.

“No. It took a while.” Freed said bluntly. “I was sad and angry and disappointed in both of us. While you were gone I thought a lot about myself and you and… many things. And I decided I was willing to give you another chance if I thought you deserved it. It’s clear to me that you’ve changed. Maybe it’s short-sighted of me, but I don’t want to miss out on this wonderful new person you are just because of what happened in the past.”

Freed only held his gaze for a few seconds before turning pink and glancing down, but Laxus just stared. What the fuck had he done to deserve a man like Freed Justine in his life? Hell, what had he done to deserve any of them?

“I don’t know what I should say,” Laxus admitted, “except thank you. Thanks, Freed. I’d be a fucking mess without you.” At some point fussing with the bandage had become holding his arm which had become half-holding his hand. Laxus was too petrified to do any more.

Thankfully Freed didn’t pull away, just tucked some hair behind his ear and looked off towards the horizon. “Oh, you… you’d manage just as well without me. You have Ever and Bix and Master Makarov, and now the whole guild to support you.”

“Sure, I have them. But they’re not you. I need…” _Just say it_ , he scolded himself, _tell him you need him by your side! Tell him you care about him! Something! When the hell have you ever been afraid of anything?_

“Listen Freed, I need to tell you something. When I was gone I had a lot of time to do think about stuff. And the thing is that I realized, I think I, uh, I…” Suddenly the hairs stood up on the back of his neck and his head whipped to the left. “I think someone’s coming.”

“You- excuse me?” Freed sounded dazed. “Someone’s coming? Who?”

“I don’t know, but they’re heading our way fast.” Laxus stood up and tried to focus in case it was trouble. All the things he’d said were swirling around in his head in a jumbled mess. Was relieved or devastated that he’d been interrupted? How long would it be until he worked up the courage to say something again? Ugh. Laxus wouldn’t mind a fight right now if only to get his mind off this mess.

Soon enough a figure became visible over the horizon, moving fast, but not quite as fast as Jet. She was tall, thin, and very pale, with a feather in her hat that whipped wildly as she skidded to a halt in front of them. Laxus vaguely recognized her uniform as a courier guild.

Without preamble she pulled a wax-sealed envelope from her shoulder bag and held it out to Freed. “I have a delivery for you, sir.”

“For… me?” Freed asked, startled. 

“Yes. I need a signature to confirm it’s been delivered safely.” She pushed the envelope at Freed, who went stock-still.

“What is it?” Laxus asked. All of a sudden Freed looked terrified, eyes wide and white as a sheet. The writing was too loopy and far away to make out what it said.

“This letter is for you, isn’t it?” The courier asked doubtfully. “A mister Siegfri-”

“Yes!” Freed interrupted her, half shouting. “Yes, that’s me. It’s for me. Only, how did you find me?”

“Locating recipients is just one of the services offered by our guild. We offer a ten day delivery guarantee for anyone in the country. Would you please sign here?” She held out a clipboard and a magic pen.

Freed took it but didn’t move to sign. “Is there any way I could persuade you to record it as undelivered?”

“Absolutely not! Mail is a sacred pact between the carrier and the sender. I could never betray their trust like that. Besides, I was only sent because all the other letters have gone unanswered. The client insisted this one be personally delivered.”

“Other letters? What other letters?” Laxus asked.

“The ones sent to his place of business. Now if you could sign here please, _sir_.”

Someone had been sending Freed letters at the guild? Who? And why was this the first Laxus was hearing about it? It obviously wasn’t nothing, or else the normally stoic man wouldn’t be so shaken. Now that he thought about it, someone had come to the guild asking for Freed the day before they left, but he had waved it off as nothing.

After a moment Freed relented and signed the pad. Just as quickly as she arrived the courier was off again. Freed was left holding the letter in both hands, warily, like the envelope was rigged to explode.

“You sure it’s for you?” The guild would never use such an expensive courier and they hadn’t been on a job in seven years, so it couldn’t be a client. Not to mention Sieg-whatever obviously wasn’t Freed’s name.

“It appears so.”

“What is it?”

“I… couldn’t say.”

“Someone obviously went to a lot of trouble to send it. Are you going to read it or what?”

Freed was going even paler. “I suppose I must.”

He stood frozen while he read it over a tense few moments, before lowering himself shakily to the ground. The letter crumpled in his hand.

All this was only making Laxus more uneasy. “So? What is it? Did something happen?”

Freed only looked out into the distance, jaw tightly clenched.

“You’re freaking me out here. Is it from the guild? Is everyone alright?” It couldn’t be about Gramps or the letter would have gone to Laxus, right?

“No… nothing like that. It isn’t from the guild. No one is hurt.”

Laxus plopped down next to him. “Damn, say so first! You’re gonna give me a heart attack. Who’s it from then? Those courier guilds ain’t cheap, so it’s gotta be important.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s…” Freed folded the letter carefully and replaced it in the envelope. “It’s nothing that concerns you.” His voice was cold as ice and perfectly level.

“You sure?” Laxus had never seen him like this before. Sure, Freed had a bad habit of hiding his problems from others, but never so blatantly. What could be wrong? Was it a money thing? No, because Ever had been complaining about being the only one having to pay back-rent. Besides, Freed would never avoid taking responsibility for money or work or guild problems.

“I’m sure.” His words were hushed. “There’s nothing you can do to help. Nothing at all.”

Well… this was _Freed_ after all. Whatever it was Laxus trusted him to handle it. “If you need anything, you know I’ll… I’m here, right? Whatever it is, I care. About. You?” Oh gods, and now he put his foot in his mouth again. Maybe Freed could at least make fun of him and lighten his mood a bit.

“We shouldn’t keep the others waiting.” Freed said instead, and turned towards the cabin without another word.

 

Laxus wasn’t sure what woke him. Maybe because, after a tense evening where Freed refused to acknowledge the letter or even that anything was wrong, he slept fitfully. Through the quiet cabin tapped footsteps so imperceptible only a dragon slayer could have picked them up. Purely on instinct he stumbled out of bed and through his bedroom door, still half asleep.

In the kitchen was Freed. He was fully dressed and had his backpack. At Laxus’s fumbling entrance he jumped and whirled around, shock and guilt already forming on his face.

“Laxus! I- I didn’t think you’d be awake.” He kept his voice to a half-whisper.

“Oh, jus’ you. Thought someone broke in.” Laxus rubbed his eye and yawned. “It’s late. Where you goin’?”

“N-nowhere. That is, I mean…” he trailed off.

“Wait. What’s going on? Are you… leaving?” Now he was awake. A horrible thought occurred to him. “This isn’t because of anything I said, is it? Because I didn’t- I never meant to-“

“No!” Freed interrupted, “No, it’s not. This has nothing to do with you. Please don’t ever think this was your fault.”

A few unthinking steps later Laxus was closer to him than he’d intended to get. “Then what is it? Tell me. We can figure it out.”

But Freed was already shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Laxus. Not this time.” His voice was hollow.

“What d’ya mean? Why not?”

“I explained in this.” Freed set a letter he was holding on the table. Wait a second, a letter. That’s what it had to be about.

“Is this because of that letter you got today? What did it-“

“Laxus, please. Just be quiet for a moment.” He set both hands on Laxus’s bare chest, the touch feeling hot like a brand. Oh gods, why couldn’t Laxus have worn a fucking shirt to bed for once? He needed to _focus_ right now.

“I beg your pardon in advance, but I expect I’ll regret it forever if I don’t do this right now.” Without preamble Freed grasped his shoulders, lifted up on his toes, and kissed him firmly on the mouth. A startled gasp escaped his nose as Laxus froze. Was he still asleep? This had to be a dream, right?

Fuck it. If this was happening, then Laxus sure as hell was going to let him know it was mutual. Carding his hands into that soft green hair he pulled him closer. The kiss was simple, almost chaste compared to some others he’d gotten, but Laxus didn’t care. It was _Freed_ and he had kissed _him_ and that thought alone was enough to make him not really give a fuck about anything else for a moment.

When they pulled apart Freed looked about as bewildered as Laxus felt. “You… but… so you also…”

“Uh, yeah.” Laxus said thickly, like that explained anything.

For just a split second he saw it- the broken, devastated look in Freed’s eye before he hid his face against Laxus’s chest. 

“Seriously, what’s wrong? We can talk about-”

Freed cut him off with another bruising, mind blowing kiss. Fingertips traced delicately over his bare chest, making Laxus shiver. “Sleep,” Freed said softly against his mouth.

When he looked at him again it was with mismatched eyes. Freed’s black and purple one glowed softly in the darkness as the cold weight of magic bloomed on his chest. Instinctively Laxus stepped back but found himself stumbling against the kitchen table and falling to the ground.

“Freed?” The shock and betrayal were clear in Laxus’s voice. He glanced down to see purple runes branding his skin. Already his head was getting fuzzy. “Don’t do this.”

“I’m so sorry. Goodbye, Laxus.”

That was the last thing he heard before he slumped over, unconscious.

 

_Dear Laxus, Evergreen, and Bixslow,_

_By the time you read this I will be gone._

_I know it must be difficult- maybe impossible- for you to understand, but this is something I have to do. Since joining Fairy Tail I_ _’ve known this day would come. Had things gone as planned I could have said goodbye in person, but Tenrou ate up all the time I had left. As it stands I doubt I could have convinced you all to accept this in a single evening. An explanation would only have made this parting all the more painful._

_The truth is that I_ _’ve been lying to all of you from the very beginning. My name isn’t actually Freed Justine- it’s a pseudonym I used to conceal my history when I ran away from home. True, it’s not as if I offered a false background, and you were all kind enough not to pry. Nonetheless I won’t delude myself into believing that obscuring the whole truth is any better than lying outright. I only wish circumstances hadn’t necessitated my doing so._

_Regretfully, this means I must resign from the guild. These years in Fairy Tail have been a dream I never dared hope could come true, so thank you for allowing me to share in these treasured memories. Evergreen, you are the new Captain, and the future of the team is up to you. I know you_ _’ll make the right decisions. Bixslow, listen to her and support her. Laxus, thank you for your kindness. Let’s leave it at that._

_Nothing is to be gained now by telling you who I truly am or why I lied about it. Suffice to say that I left behind responsibilities that I remain honor-bound to fulfill. You may very well work out who I am; I know for certain you will try. If you do then I_ _’m sure it will only make clearer why things had to be this way. There is not, nor has there ever been, a way for me to escape this fate._

_My last request as the captain of Raijinshuu and as your friend is this: please don_ _’t search for me. Making a fuss will only end up hurting all of you and the guild besides. I don’t want that to be my legacy. While I have no right to ask you not to be angry with me, please do not blame yourselves. There is nothing any of you could have done to prevent this. Hate me, replace me, forget me- do whatever you must to move on, but do move on. You have more important things to focus on._

_There is little chance we will meet again, but if fate deigns to let our paths cross again one day, I can only pray you won_ _’t resent me too much to say hello. Just know that whatever happens, I love you all and will miss you terribly._

_Yours,_

_Freed_

 

“So…” Bixslow said after they’d all spent a moment in shock from the words, “we’re going to ignore that and immediately start looking for him, right?”

“It goes without saying,” Evergreen huffed.

Laxus frowned and cracked his knuckles. “You’d better fucking believe it.”

 


	2. Énigme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thunder squad vs. USPS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Énigme (French): enigma or mystery

 Dammit, this is pointless. I can’t fucking find him.” Laxus finally sighed, running a hand through his hair and making it stand on end with static.

“What?” Evergreen exclaimed from where she was flitting between the trees. “Dragon slayers are supposed to be able to track scents! It should be easy with all the cologne he wears.”

“Well it ain’t! This shit is harder than it looks. He probably covered his trail with magic anyway. We’re wasting our time.” Laxus growled, sitting down on a fallen tree with a huff and cracking the wood.

They had been searching for a sign of their teammate for hours now with nothing to show for it. First they had torn apart the cabin hoping for a clue, but not a trace of Freed remained. Laxus had circled the forest more times than he could count, searching for even a hint of a scent trail. For once in his life he actually wished Natsu was here- as reluctant as Laxus was to admit it, the other dragon slayers had better noses than he did. But he had a suspicion that even they wouldn’t be able to pick up the trail. Freed was really damn good at this kind of stuff when he had time to prepare. Honestly, they were lucky there were no rune traps lying around to slow them down.

Bixslow griped from where he was perched in some branches. “How are we supposed to find him if you can’t do it?”

“Hell if I know! We need a clue or a plan or something.”

“Except Freed was always in charge of the plans. We’re all terrible at them, remember?”

“We’ll just have to manage by ourselves. It can’t be that hard.” Ever landed with Bixslow close behind.

“Easy for you to say. Do _you_ have a plan?”

“Of course I do! There’s a reason Freed made me captain, you know.” Evergreen said primly. “You said that he started acting weird because of that letter he got, right Laxus?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s what made him leave, which means whoever wrote it knows what the problem is. We just need to ask the courier guild who the sender was. And call me Captain, dammit!”

Laxus and Bixslow looked at each other before shrugging.

“Works for me.”

“Sounds good.”

“I said call me Captain!”

“So which guild was the courier from?” Bixslow asked him, ignoring Evergreen.

“How am I supposed to know? I’ve never gotten a letter from one before. Is there more than one?”

Evergreen sighed. “Do you at least remember what the person was wearing?”

“I dunno, a bunch of white and a hat with a feather?”

“That sounds like Parcel Mistress.” They both gave her a surprised look. “I only know because they offered me a job once.” She added.

“Why’d they do that?” Bixslow asked bluntly.

“Rude! Obviously because I can fly. _Some_ people know talent when they see it.” Evergreen scoffed, crossing her arms. “The money’s good but it’s _boring_ , and the uniform is atrocious. They didn’t deserve me.”

“No one deserves you.”

“Hey!”

Laxus wondered for the tenth time that day how in the world they were going to survive without Freed. Ever and Bix’s bickering was only getting worse and he had no idea how to play peacemaker like their Captain did. Best he could do was interrupt.

“Seems like that’s the best idea anyone’s got.” Laxus stood up with a crackle of magical energy, his jaw set in determination. “Let's go see what that guild has to say.”

 

The courier guild Parcel Mistress was based out of a port city called Peony, thankfully only a half day’s trip by ferry. It had left Laxus in a predictably bad mood as he stormed down the street, billowing like a thunderhead. Pedestrians scurried out of his path as they made their way to the tall white building that dominated the center of the town.

Above the door frame the words “Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection. MAIL.” were boldly proclaimed on the stone archway. Though the sun was already going down, guild members in the same white uniform he saw earlier were scurrying all over, on bikes, skates, or even flying. All were too much in a rush to pay the three mages any mind. This was definitely the place.

A pleasant looking woman in a white hood sitting at a desk smiled cheerily at them, despite the look on Laxus’s face. “Hello! How can I help you?”

“We wanna know about a letter you guys delivered.” He loomed above her desk, too on edge to be polite right now.

“Would you like a tracking update on a parcel you sent?”

“No. We didn’t send it-” Laxus was already starting to get irritated, clenching his fists, but Evergreen quickly stepped in.

“We’re here on behalf of our teammate, he received a letter but the sender uh- forgot to include their return address! So he doesn’t know where to send his response!”

“What? That ain’t i- ow!” Bixslow’s comment turned into a pained yelp when Evergreen stomped her high heel into his foot.

“Is there a reason he couldn’t be here to represent himself?”

“Um, he’s a really busy guy and we were in the area so...” Evergreen shrugged and laughed tightly.

“I’m afraid that's impossible. Confidentiality between a courier and the sender is paramount, so unless you have the letter in question addressed to you and valid ID there really isn’t anything I can do.” She smiled blithely. That really wasn’t the answer they were hoping for.

“Listen, it ain’t like we’re asking you to tell us what it said, we just want to know who sent it!” Laxus growled through gritted teeth.

“And I have already told you that that’s impossible!” She replied with just as much intensity. “If that is all I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

Laxus slammed his hand down on the wooden desk and it cracked on impact, making everyone in the lobby jump. “All I wanna know is who sent a fucking letter! Why is that so hard?!”

“Because if I told you that it would violate the very sanctity of our guild! The sacred trust of confidentiality between sender and courier! The trust they put in us that we will deliver their most precious parcel, be it letter or package- that storm or flood it _will_ be delivered! We are the defenders of the light of knowledge, free communication, and the exchange of ideas. We are the bold toters of all those little papery conduits of freedom, the white postmarked angels that whisper a message on their deliverance, a promise to the yearning: "There is hope yet." Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection. The mail is all these things and more! And I would die before I disgraced that!”

Evergreen looked at Laxus, who looked at Bixslow, who looked at the mail lady, who looked like she was about burst into tears or song, one of the two.

“Uh… alright then.” There was really nothing to say to that. Who knew other kinds of guilds could be as passionate as mage ones? It wasn’t like Laxus was about to actually fight a mail clerk. He wasn’t quite that desperate… yet. For now they would just have to find another way.

 

“Welp, back to the drawing board. Any ideas, Captain Evergreen?” Bixslow asked, where they waited at the docks. With no other ideas they had decided to head back to Magnolia on the overnight ferry. Evergreen looked delighted to be called captain even if Bixslow’s sincerity was paper thin.

“Maybe we can get Levy to help? She and Freed are friends so maybe he told her something.”

“Why would he do that?” Laxus grunted.

“Huh?”

“We’re his best friends, why would he tell her something he couldn’t tell us?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Evergreen was using her sarcastic voice that she _knew_ pissed him off. “Maybe he’s been waiting for us to ask, and needed someone else to confide in. Maybe sometimes you need to open your dumb mouth and actually talk about things to Freed. You ever think about that, huh?” Damnit. He had kind of been hoping she had forgotten about the whole “being in love with Freed” thing, now that they had bigger things to worry about.

At least she didn’t know what happened during their, uh, encounter right before Freed had left. That little tidbit Laxus was still keeping to himself, because… because it’s none of anyone else’s damn business, is why. That and he still wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Was he supposed to be happy Freed kissed him, or mad that he left right after? Did this mean Freed liked him back for real? Or was it just a goodbye thing? It was easier to just not think about it.

“Fuck off.”

“That’s what I thought. And call me captain!”

“You want me to call you captain when I’m telling you to fuck off?”

“Yes!”

“Why should I? I never called Freed captain.” Of course he didn’t. Laxus wasn’t a member of Raijinshuu, so technically Freed wasn’t _his_ captain.

“Well maybe he wanted you to!”

“Wait, seriously? Did he?”

“...I don’t know. But he might have!”

“Guys the boat is here!”

“Shut up Bixslow!” They both exclaimed at once.

 

Laxus didn’t get motion sick like the other dragon slayers. He _didn_ _’t_. It just gave him nausea to ride on two rickety-ass ferries basically back-to-back, which was perfectly normal. But it also left him feeling like shit, so he was always happy to be back on solid ground. Especially if that solid ground was Magnolia.

He had spent a good chunk of the past year (technically it wasn’t the past year anymore, but to him it still was) away, and his travels had just served to remind him how much he fucking loved his city. Even now after just two weeks, coming home felt like taking a deep breath for the first time in ages. But with all that was going on he couldn’t enjoy the homecoming as much as he’d like. When they finally arrived at the guild Laxus was barely able to restrain himself from kicking the rickety old doors clean off their hinges.

“You guys sure are back early, And where’s Freed? I thought you all were a package deal.” Macao commented as they walked in, and Laxus shot him a dark look that made him sit up straighter in his chair. “Geez, don’t be touchy.”

Ignoring him, Laxus shouted, “Gramps! We gotta talk.”

The Master of Fairy Tail was of course sitting at the bar with papers on one side and tankards on the other. Kinana, the new girl, wasn’t as good at cutting him off as Mirajane is. Other than that there was hardly anyone there. Without the Tenrou group even the tiny barn of a guildhouse seemed empty.

Gramps turned his barstool lazily. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be out training to win us that prize money, I mean, to win us the Games.”

Unfortunately, Laxus was not capable of tolerating any bullshit right then. “This is more important. Can we go somewhere quiet?”

Gramps gave him a searching look and finished his beer. “Macao! I’m taking your office.”

“Wait, what?” Came Macao’s voice somewhere on the other side of the room. They once again ignored him. The new guild was nothing like the old one, and the Master’s office was hardly more than a storage closet with a desk in it. There weren’t even enough chairs but that suited Laxus just fine. He wasn’t in a sitting mood.

Gramps sat on the edge of the desk, scattering a stack of papers. “Now what’s the issue? And where’s Freed?”

“That’s the problem. He left,” Evergreen said with a huff.

“Left your trip?”

“The guild,” Laxus finally snapped, “he left the _guild_. Out of nowhere. Took off in the middle of the night. Only explanation we got was some vague bullshit letter, something about his past or some shit’. Do you know why he would do that?”

The old man remained impassive, taking an unhurried drink from a mug on the desk. “Are you asking me to disclose personal information about a guild member? I take privacy very seriously, you know. Many people here have things in their past they want kept secret.”

“But it’s _Freed_.” Laxus said bluntly. “It’s important! Do you know anything or not?”

“I do. But if you knew, you’d understand why he asked me to keep it a secret. When he joined he promised to leave the guild if his past ever caught up to him.”

“And you let him?” Ever accused, “You know how seriously he takes promises! He’ll keep his word even if it kills him!”

“That doesn’t change the fact that his past has the potential to hurt Fairy Tail. As Master I need to protect the guild first. That’s how we’ve survived all these years.”

“But Freed _is_ Fairy Tail!”

“It was still his decision to keep it a secret, as it was to resign and leave. Freed is a smart lad. Have you considered that maybe he did all of this for a good reason?”

“There ain’t no good reason to hide it from _us_. We’re a team. If one of us has got a problem then we all got a problem.” Laxus folded his arms and scowled. He didn’t understand why the old man was being so damn difficult about this.

“Did he ask for your help?”

Bixslow laughed. “As if. He told us to forget about him and move on with our lives. Like we could ever do that when he’s who-knows-where!”

“So even against his explicit wishes, you still want to know the truth? I can tell you now that path won’t be an easy one. You may regret it.”

“We can handle it. Won’t let this hurt the guild neither. All we have to do is find him and bring him back.” It seemed obvious to Laxus. Find whoever was pressuring Freed, kick their ass, and take him home. Easy.

“And what makes you think he’ll stay even if you do?”

“You don’t get it, Gramps. Freed didn’t- he was- he didn’t want to leave. You can tell by his letter alone he didn’t. Something or someone is making him do this. I don’t care if it’s his blood family, and I don’t care if he quit the guild. He’s a Fairy Tail wizard. This is where he belongs. I ain’t letting nobody keep Freed away from his home.”

Evergreen nodded. “He’s family. And _no one_ messes with our family.”

“You’re sure?”

“Hell yeah.” Bixslow grinned.

“You are a bunch of idiot brats that are going to send me to an early grave.” Suddenly they were all crushed into a long-armed hug. “And I’m so proud of you.”

Sappy old man. Laxus pretended not to notice how warm his face felt when he pulled back.

“Now,” Gramps said after composing himself, “I promised Freed not to tell anyone about him, and I won’t break that promise. But I might be able to track down a place that… would be an interesting vacation spot. If you were to visit.”

“Master! You’re the best!” Squealed Evergreen.

“Yes, yes. Now go get some rest. I should have it to you sometime tomorrow.”

That was all Laxus needed to hear, but a yank on his ear stopped him on his way out. “Hold on, brat. I still need a word with you.”

“Ow!” Laxus batted the hand away, turning to glaring at the old man. Ever and Bixslow abandoned him, scurrying down the hall and away from confrontation. “I’m not a little kid anymore, Gramps!”

“You’re my grandson, you’ll always be a kid. Now.” He crossed his arms. “Have you finally figured it out?”

“Figured what out?”

“About Freed.”

“What, like where he came from? Of course not, why do you think we came asking?”

“No, not that. About _you_ and Freed.”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about.” But Laxus could feel his cheeks going red. 

“Aha! You did!” He guffawed. Shitty old man.

“Shut up.”

“Certainly took you long enough! I have an idiot for a grandson. What made you finally realize?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.” Laxus turned, but stopped in the doorway. What _had_ it been? Just knowing that he liked guys couldn’t be the whole reason. Why had it taken him so long to realize that in the first place? Why did it take falling into bed with some random guy to make him even consider Freed in that way?

How had walked around his whole life unaware of the Freed-shaped hole in his heart? All he knew was that the moment he figured it out, everything clicked.

“I don’t know,” Laxus admitted after a moment. “He’s just- different. From anyone else I’ve ever known. He’s… more.”

“For what it’s worth, I think he’s good for you. But you do know that it will make  this harder, don’t you? Love makes us do crazy things.”

Laxus almost laughed out loud. “I already do crazy things. What’s one more?”

“That’s the spirit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Makarov voice: “You are all so fucking stupid and I love you so much.”
> 
> If you were wondering yeah, that was a Homestuck reference, because we are out here living our best lives. Its brand of humorous side characters works… weirdly well with Fairy Tail’s.
> 
> Also quietbun wrote most of this chapter!


	3. Revenir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revenir (French): Return
> 
> Posted specifically for Fraxus day!  
> God damn, this was a super hard chapter to write. Lots of plot, character relations, and dialogue. Some side OCs for plot purposes too. Feedback and comments welcome as always. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Btw Bosco = France, and this is where that gaslighting tag comes in.

Freed leaned his head against the glass, watching the scenery fly by. Magic technology had certainly progressed in the seven years they had been gone, one example being the carriage he was currently riding in. It was moving nearly as fast as a train. He hadn’t had the opportunity to investigate it earlier but Freed guessed it was hybrid of lacrima and animal power. Was this technology widely available now? The ride was so smooth maybe even Laxus wouldn’t get so sick.

No, he absolutely could _not_ think about Laxus right now. With a sigh he flopped down across the plush velvet bench seat and glared at the ornate ceiling. Freed was alone in the carriage so he might as well take the opportunity to act childish while he still could. There was only about an hour left until he reached his destination.

It seemed like the trip had both gone by in a flash and taken eons, nothing like traveling with his team. Over the years they had gotten quite good at entertaining themselves. Freed would read or work on spells while Evergreen managed to paint both Bixslow’s nails and her own flawlessly. Bixslow was getting frightfully good at using his magic to cheat at cards. They would spend hours playing anyway. Laxus, when he joined them, would turn his headphones up high and try to nap while pretending he wasn’t motion sick. Long trips went by quickly when one traveled with friends. But, he reminded himself, his days with the Raijinshuu were over.

Despite himself Freed wondered for the hundredth time what they were doing. By now Laxus should have finished scouring the forest for a scent he was never going to find. Freed had been very thorough last night (had it only been last night?) making sure that he could not be tracked by masking his smell and flying until he was exhausted.

Regardless of what he’d said in his letter, Freed was no fool- he knew his team would look for him. Whether that was fueled by a desire to get him back, or, more likely, anger and betrayal, surely they wanted more answers than the ones he gave them. His hope was that after a few days of fruitless search they would give up and focus on training for the Grand Magic Games. The Games would distract them for almost three months, then there would be the aftermath of a victory or defeat. Either way, Fairy Tail needed rebuilding after seven years and that alone should occupy them for quite some time.  By his estimate it could take at most some months before Laxus, Bixslow, and Evergreen stopped wasting their time and finally gave up on him.

Maybe sometime in the far future he would send them another letter explaining things. Assuming of course that they even wanted to hear from him at that point. Until then, Freed had decided that any information or clues would be cruel. Best case scenario it would give them false hope. Worst case they might actually _find_ him, which would go… poorly, for everyone.

No, a clean break without any messy talks or feelings was the best way to do this.

But if that were his aim, then why on _Earthland_ had he kissed Laxus? Freed groaned audibly and covered his face as if he could hide himself from his own shame. How could he have been so stupid? He told himself it had been just a miscalculation on his part, but _what_ a miscalculation. For one, he hadn’t expected Laxus to catch him leaving. That had made things more difficult than he’d anticipated. In that moment of weakness he lost his composure and did something he’d wanted to do for years.

The point of the kiss was to make it easier to walk away. Laxus was supposed to have turned him down. It was supposed to have quelled any feelings of regret, to convince him that there was no future for him in Fairy Tail. In the face of such a rejection, running away from the fallout should have been the easiest thing in the world.

That was Freed’s plan. Things had very much _not_ gone according to his plan. Laxus had kissed him back, and said… no, he had only suggested. Nothing was really said; Freed had made sure to put an end to it before things got that far. In the end Laxus had _not_ outright said that he returned any romantic feelings, so there was nothing at all to discuss.

_But you did it. You finally kissed him,_ he told himself, _and now you won_ _’t spend the rest of your life wondering. Be content with that and move on._

Even if Laxus did reciprocate, it wasn’t as if it was possible for a relationship to go anywhere. Almost certainly they would never see each other again. Besides, there was too much at stake to be compromised by something as transient as romance. Emotions are fleeting- that’s what his mother always said.

Mother. She was easier to think about than Laxus, if only barely. More pertinent, too, since Freed would see her very soon and Laxus he would not.

To say she was going to be displeased with him would be a considerable understatement. No matter his reasons the fact remained that Freed chosen to run away all those years ago and become a mage. Whatever punishment awaited him at home was one he deserved and was prepared for. How bad could it be, really? Soon things would go back to the normal he had known in his youth. One day he would look back on his time as a wizard as just, a wonderful dream, is all.

 It had been worth it. Freed needed to stay convinced of that or all was lost. All the jobs he had completed, people he’d helped, the skills honed, fights won, relationships built; all of that would remain inside him forever. Fairy Tail made him into the man he was today. No one could take away what he had done or the memories he made. Even the bitter pain of separation was his to hoard.

Though the name was a farce, for more than four years he had been Freed Justine, Fairy Tail wizard. And for a few seconds, he had kissed a man he truly cared for.

“It was enough to have lived that life for a time,” Freed said to himself out loud. “I’m thankful for it all. Now I can move forward with no regrets. It was enough.”

Maybe if he repeated it enough times it would become true.

 

Freed woke with a jolt when the carriage came to a sudden halt, nearly throwing him off the bench. Dammit, he hadn’t meant to drift off. Had they already arrived? The door was opened before he could even shake off his grogginess.

Home. One of them, at least. The word had never held much significance for him, just a place to store things and sleep. Even though his parents were technically married they had kept seperate households for as long as Freed could remember. Growing up he had rarely stayed in the same place longer than a few months.

Summers were spent here, nestled in the mountain valley of Nymphaea. It was his mother’s ancestral home as well as her pride and joy. The Water Palace, it was called, because of the numerous fountains, ponds, and streams that decorated both the interior and exterior. Acres of carefully landscaped gardens surrounded the estate. It was Mother’s pride and joy.

All of it had seemed so normal growing up. Now Freed felt horribly out of place. His hair and clothes were a mess from flying and the carriage ride, he was tired and stressed and his magic hadn’t recovered yet, but his time was up. Steeling himself, Freed shouldered his bag and stepped outside. The grounds looked much the same as in his childhood. A small contingent of guards saluted and a short man in a steward’s uniform bowed low.

“Welcome home, your highness. Your mother has requested your presence.”

“I imagine she has,” Freed sighed.

“I’m to escort you to her at once.”

Having time to rest and prepare wasn’t a luxury he had, then. “Best not to keep her waiting, then.”

They entered through the smaller side door- so they were keeping things discreet. Likely his return was still a secret.

To be honest Freed had no idea how his absence had been explained. Before Tenrou he only knew that he hadn’t been declared dead, but since his return he’d had neither the opportunity nor the desire to investigate further. As much as he’d hated not knowing what rules he needed to follow, making direct contact hadn’t been an option. The only thing he was sure of was that never in a thousand _years_ would his family allow his being a guild mage to go public. Mother would never live down the shame of it.

So Freed was forced to devise a long set of his own rules to stay on the safe side. Keep a low profile, no traveling where someone might recognize him, no pictures or identifying information published in Sorcerer Weekly, no spending too long in one place, and no getting too involved in the guild, to name a few. The last two he had been lax with after the Battle of Fairy Tail, but he had already turned twenty by then, and… it was complicated. It didn’t matter now anyway.

The real question was how much his mother knew. To his knowledge no one had ever found out who he really was. It felt like a tentative non-aggression pact had been wordlessly made between himself and his family- if Freed kept his head down, they would leave him be. In any case no one had tried to make contact with him until after his seven year sojourn.

Though that certainly didn’t mean they approved of what he had done. The familiar dread of displeasing his mother welded up as he followed the steward through the huge empty halls of his youth. After so many years she shouldn’t still scare him. He wasn’t a child anymore. But then again he had never done anything remotely so bad as this.

Before he knew it they had reached the ornately carved double doors of his mother’s personal apartments. Oh gods, he wasn’t ready. If the steward announced his arrival, Freed couldn’t hear it over the buzz of his own nerves.

His mother’s receiving room was about the same as he remembered it- gilded walls, paintings, and plush seating in rich brocades. Three women awaited him. Before he could register much else he was tackled into a hug by one of them.

“Siegfried! You’re here! I knew it, I _knew_ you would come back!”

Freed froze up. It had been a long, _long_ time since he’d been called by his full and proper name.

“Come on, Sieg, don’t say you don’t recognize me.”

Then it clicked. “Sacha?! You couldn’t possibly be.” He could hardly breathe from being squeezed so tight.

“What does that mean? It’s been twelve whole years after all! You didn’t think I’d grow up?”

“Of course I did, but… it’s still a shock.” His mind was having trouble reconciling the image of the grubby baby sister who always followed at his heels, with the woman in front of him.“You look just like Aunt Alexandrina,” he finally managed.

“Don’t I? Everyone says so. It’s the hair,” she beamed and finally let him go, brushing back her short green hair a few shades darker than his own. “Mother hates it you know, always nagging me to get it magic-ed out long. And I’m sure she hates your hair too. Who on Earthland is your stylist? I mean those _layers_! But I like it anyway,” Sacha added, tugging at his cowlicks.

“But if you’re Sacha, then…” his eyes fell on the other young woman in the room, “Seraphina?”

“Your powers of deduction truly amaze.” Her prim sarcasm had the refined quality of regular use. Seraphina always had a sharp wit even as a child, and he’d bet that these days she was a force to be reckoned with. But her smile, though sharp, was not unkind. Otherwise she was the spitting image of their mother in her youth.

Intellectually, Freed knew that he would see his little sisters again when he returned home, and that of course they would be adults now. But to be honest he hadn’t thought about it too much since returning from Tenrou. Or, more accurately, he hadn’t been dreading seeing them like he had been dreading so many other things. Now those lost years hit him like a punch to the gut.

“I’m sorry. This is quite a lot to process all at once. The last time I saw you, you were twelve years old, and Sacha was nine, and now-”

“I’m twenty one!” She interrupted. One thing sure hadn’t changed- Sacha still didn’t care for manners as much as she did for attention. “How old are you right now, not counting that island magic spell?”

“You know about Tenrou?”

“Of course we do! You think mother didn’t keep an eye on you after you left? I don’t know the specifics though. How long were you asleep, exactly?”

“We weren’t really asleep. Time just didn’t pass for us, for about seven years and three months. We haven’t come to a consensus on our ages yet. It was already past my birthday when I came out of it, so I think I’m still twenty.” Plenty of spirited debate was had on the topic that, predictably, led to a massive brawl that decided nothing.

Sacha gave an excited bounce and punched a fist into the air. “Yes! I’m your big sister now, this is great!”

“Hold on, you are _not_.”

“Am too! If you’re still twenty then I’m older. And of course you’re not married yet, but me and Sera are! You remember little Harold, don’t you? The crybaby with the red hair? Well she had to _marry_ him, can you believe it? He’s off in Bosco though so you don’t have to worry about pretending to like him yet, it’s such a _chore_. My husband is _so_ much better even though he’s only a Count of the middle of nowhere.”

Freed’s mind was far away from husbands and lands. “I’m an idiot. I never even considered the seven years. Does it affect inheritance order?” It couldn’t possibly be this easy, could it?

“Don’t be ridiculous,” his mother snapped. It was the first words she’d spoken, and with them came a chill. “Succession is determined by birth order, and you are still my firstborn. Even if you weren’t that wouldn’t much change things, now would it?”

If she wasn’t going to greet him then Freed might as well. “Hello, Mother. I’m… I’m back,” he finished lamely.

Tension ran thick in the air as they sized each other up. He unconsciously stood up straighter.

For all the years he was away she was the only one who looked almost entirely the same. Her light brown hair had some gray in it was all. Mostly it was the fashion that had changed; now it was less dramatic makeup, fuller skirts, and huge hair pieces. Seraphina and her seemed to follow that more closely than Sacha. But Mother’s piercing stare and hard set of the mouth were starkly familiar: She was displeased, and all the more intimidating for it. The guilt of running away had never hung so heavy on his shoulders.

“Girls, go tell the salon to get everything ready. Your brother needs quite a lot of cleaning up before he’s fit to be seen.”

“But he’s only just arrived!” Pouted Sacha.

Seraphina only adjusted her skirts and stood. “Don’t complain, Sacha. He desperately needs a bath and some dinner. In that order. We’ll see him later.” He was too glad to see them out of the crossfire to be insulted.

“Be quick about it, dear. And find him something to wear until we get a wardrobe started. I simply can’t _stand_ seeing our Siegfried in these rags.”

“Yes, yes, leave it to us.” Seraphina said as she herded a disgruntled Sacha out the door.

 

 Then it was just him and Mother.

“I happen to quite like my coat,” he said, just to be contrary. Plain as they were Freed had personally enchanted his clothes to stay intact when he transformed, and that wasn’t easy. Not that she would care about that.

“It went out of style years ago, dear,” she dismissed.

“Seven years, maybe?” He sat on the love seat with his bag on the ground next to him. Knowing his mother she could be about to launch into an endlessly long tirade.

“Don’t be smart with me. It doesn’t become a young man of your status.”

_Status._ Freed hated that word. “I wouldn’t say I have much of any status these days.”

“One surely wouldn’t guess by looking at you. You’re as filthy as a stableboy.”

She was just trying to rile him up. Besides, trekking half way across Fiore in under twenty four hours wasn’t the cleanest affair, even if the latter part had been by carriage. He let the insult slide off.

“Who else knows I’m here?”

“Officially, no one besides your father. There are still a few preparations to be made before you can make your public return.”

“Where is Father?”

“He has business back in Bosco.”

That sounded about right. “So does everyone else think I’m dead? How are you planning to explain where I’ve been for the past twelve years? And how young I am?”

She smiled blandly. “I’ve been prepared for you to come home for years. It’s all been arranged. Do you have any idea the trouble I’ve gone through to keep your reputation intact since you ran away? If it weren’t for me you would have had no title to come home to at all.”

_Wouldn_ _’t that be nice,_ thought Freed sourly. “If I’m not completely disowned then I’m assuming that my being in Fairy Tail is still a secret.”

“Don’t even mention that vile place to me.” Mother scoffed.

“What if someone recognizes me? I hid my name, not my face. Someone is bound to make the connection eventually if they look hard enough.” Freed pressed.

“Let me worry about all that, my dear. What are mothers for if not to clean up their children’s messes?”

“But what about rumors? The staff already knows I’m here. We can’t stop people from talking, and reputations have been ruined by less.” He tried to keep the hope out of his voice. Being disowned would certainly not solve all his problems, but it could be a start.

“Rumors? That’s all well in hand. People will gossip about what I say, and think what I want them to think.”

“But-”

“No more buts, Siegfried. Those commoners turned you into such a disagreeable boy. It’s going to take _ages_ to train you out of it. Would it be too much to ask why you thought it wise to abandon your home and family?”

This at least was a question he knew was coming. Freed tried to ground himself with the answer that he had prepared beforehand. “No, I owe you that much, at least. First of all, I _am_ sorry for running away without a word the first time. The situation was… well. It’s best to start at the beginning. Growing up I wanted to be a Rune knight like aunt Alexandrina, you knew that. But more than that I was interested in magic. So after I went to away to boarding school I researched and began teaching myself rune magic. I loved it, and I was good at it. My name allowed me to get my hands on powerful spells. Eventually I obtained a book of serious black magic- the kind no one should experiment with. But I was arrogant and barely sixteen. I thought I could handle it.”

He touched the hair over his left eye. “This was the result. I cursed my eye.”

“So that’s why you’ve been keeping it covered. Now do you see why I always told you to stay away from those awful wizards?”

“This happened before I even _met_ a Fairy Tail mage. It was my own stupid fault, not theirs.

They were the ones who helped me learn to control it and even use it to cast magic. Before that I was a danger to everyone around me, especially non-mages, so I panicked and ran to where I could get help. At first I was only going to stay until I learned to control the curse. But…”

“You stayed,” his mother finished, “for almost five years, until the incident on that island. Seemingly without the intention of ever returning.”

“Yes,” he admitted. “The person I could be as a Fairy Tail wizard was enchanting. It was so different from my life up until then. There was much I was unprepared for, but it was exciting. I had friends, a career, a purpose. And… and I was free to choose those things. So yes, I did want to stay for as long as I was able. I just never thought it would be so very long.”

There was much more to it that he didn’t tell his mother.

Fairy Tail was the first place where he ever felt like he was seen. No shortage of attention had been paid to him as a child, whether it be governesses or tutors or knights. But they never saw _him_ , only his family. Who he was on the inside mattered hardly at all. But in Fairy Tail he had to be judged by only his own merits, because no one knew anything else. That freedom, that surety, the honest pride he could finally take in his successes- it was addicting. On top of that he had made his first true friends in Evergreen and Bixslow, and shortly after, Laxus. No amount of unseen pressure from home could sway him from it. Even though he knew that being a wizard was a bad idea, that every day he stayed he was only digging himself deeper into this hole, he just couldn’t bring himself to leave.

Freed didn’t tell her that, because it would make her angry, or she wouldn’t care.

“Well regardless of your intentions, it was in fact this long. Twelve years you’ve been away from home, _twelve years_. We spent the last seven thinking you were likely dead.”

Freed ducked his head. “I know. No one could have foreseen what happened on Tenrou.”

Mother scoffed. “I could have. I knew it was only a matter of time before that guild got you killed.”

“It wasn’t Fairy Tail’s fault! We were attacked by a dark guild and a dragon, my guild is the only reason I survived it.”

“A dragon? Do you hear yourself?”

“I didn’t believe they still existed either, until one-” he cut himself off.

“Nearly killed you?” Mother supplied. Freed couldn’t deny it. For him it had been only weeks since the huge jaws of Acnologia snapped shut inches from Bixslow and him. Just the memory of the dense, dark power emanating from those scales made him shiver. Not even his fight with Mirajane had been so terrifying.

“Yes.” He admitted. There was no reason to lie.”But Fairy Tail’s spell also the only reason we survived.”

“And you wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place were it not for them. I tire of discussing such useless things. Those mages won’t be meddling with your life any longer.”

“I… I know. I always knew I couldn’t stay there forever. When that courier came, I wasn’t going to run anymore.” Freed balled his hands into fists. “So threatening to send soldiers after my friends was _not necessary_.” He spat. It was the one flame of anger he hadn’t been able to smother since he read that rotten letter. Demanding he come home was one thing. Stealing him away from his life, from magic, from his friends, that he could handle. But going after Fairy Tail? That was one thing he couldn’t allow, no matter what consequences he had to face.

After a moment his mother stood. Freed eyed her warily but she only sat next to him, giving him a vaguely pitying smile. “Oh my dear, you’ve only been associating with those barbaric guild mages for too long. You know I would never stoop so low as to make such threats.”

Freed was taken aback. The letter Mother sent had so clearly seemed to say… but no, it had only insinuated the consequences if he refused to return. Hadn’t it? What was the wording again? Normally he was able to recall something he read just yesterday word for word, but he drew a blank.

“As if I would force you to come home, I mean _really_.” Mother continued, brushing his hair from his face tenderly. Had she ever done that before, growing up? “You returned because you knew it was the right and honorable thing to do. And we’re so glad to have you back, my darling boy.”

“But, but I didn’t… I thought you said-” Was he misunderstanding things this whole time? Could he be such a fool?

“Don’t stutter, Siegfried. It’s common.”

She was right, he needed to keep his head. Arguing with her would accomplish nothing, and there were things he needed to say. “I have returned to fulfill my duty, it’s true. But I do have some terms for my doing so.”

“Oh? And what would those be?”

“Fairy Tail stays out of this. Entirely. No interfering with its members or in the Grand Magic Games. No one there has any idea where I am or why I left. They don’t even know my real name. And besides that, I’ve already resigned from the guild. So there’s no need for you to worry about them.”

“I’m more than happy to never spare them another thought, as long as _they_ are willing to do the same.”

There was something in her tone he didn’t like. “I couldn’t know what you mean,” he said tightly.

“Please, Siegfried, I’ve done my research. I know about that guild’s financial troubles.”

“What? Things became tight in our absence, I admit, but Fairy Tail would never resort to blackmail or extortion.”

“I should hope so. Under those circumstances we would have no choice but to defend ourselves.”

Freed held no illusions about what his mother was capable of if it meant protecting their family. “It won’t come to that. You don’t know them. Fairy Tail is wild and more than a little crude, but the members are kind. Even when they find out who I am, they won’t turn on me. They’re not like that.” Why was he trying to defend himself now? He had made peace with the possibility of being hated long ago. Hadn’t he?

“Oh, my apologies. If you know that for certain, then you must have already told them who you really are.”

“I didn’t.”

“Then at least they knew you had a dangerous secret that could spell the end of their whole guild?”

He looked away. Master Makarov knew that his real identity was dangerous but, as far as Freed knew, didn’t know exactly what that identity _was_. “No.”

“You never told them a thing?”

“Never.”

Mother’s voice was soft and full of pity. “There, don’t you see? You didn’t want to tell the truth because you knew how they would react. I always told you that the common folk will either hate you or try to use you. Spare your poor heart, Siegfried, and put those mages out of your mind. I simply couldn’t bear to see you betrayed like that.”

His instinct was to argue. It often was, with his mother. But where was she wrong? Wasn’t keeping secrets confirmation that he knew his friends would turn on him? And the guild _was_ in dire financial straits. Didn’t the Master always prioritize the wellbeing of the guild as a whole over the individual members? Especially if they were secret-keeping traitors like himself? Makarov even exiled his own son and grandson. And Laxus respected that, which is why he accepted his punishment without a fight. There was no reason for any his former guildmates to tolerate him now. Years before the Battle of Fairy Tail, he had already been placing the guild in danger just by being a member. The havoc Laxus wrought on the guild _paled_ in comparison to what his mother could do if she so desired. What kind of friend was he, to do that

When Freed first joined Fairy Tail, he had even vowed to the Master that he would never let his family hurt the guild. What kind of friend and guildmate couldn’t keep such a simple promise?  Surely that was enough to get him thrown out of the guild. The only reason he had resigned first was because he couldn’t take being banished from the place he loved so dearly. It was pathetic.

Mother took his silence as agreement. “My sweet little Siegfried. All that matters now is that you’ve finally come home to us. Soon everything will be back to how it used to be, and all of this will feel like a bad dream. Leave all the complicated matters of your return to me. You have your own responsibilities.”

Freed tried his best to swallow down the lump in his throat. “Such as?”

“Such as making yourself presentable, of course. Your appearance shouldn’t take too long. Though,” she said, picking up his right hand with a light touch, “please tell me this garish tattoo can be removed.”

Right, his guild mark. He didn’t have a right to it anymore.

“I can take it off easily enough.”

“Good. Otherwise we would have to make gloves come back in style and they’re so cumbersome in the warmer months. I don’t need that on top of everything else there is to do before your debut back into the world. There’s already so much to arrange before you make your homecoming next week.”

“So soon?” Freed was hoping for a little more time to adjust to, well, everything.

“You have twelve years to make up for. There’s no time to waste if we’re to convince polite society that your disappearance doesn’t mean all honor and pride have deserted you. Heavens knows your manners could use some practice. People will think you were raised in a barn.”

Freed bit back a retort when he remembered that Fairy Tail was, in fact, currently based out of a barn. And the members tended to be more violent than barn animals. The mental image of his mother meeting Natsu was horrifying. “I haven’t forgotten everything I learned,” he said instead.

“You’ve forgotten enough.” She sighed, wistfully. “It’s a shame. This little teenage rebellion of yours was such a waste. You always were such a brilliant boy, Siegfried. You could have done anything you desired. I was so proud of how well-read and mature you were for your age. And your father still talks about your musical talent. You could have been one of the top violinists in the world by now if you would only learn to apply yourself. His side of the family takes all of that so seriously, you know.”

That was an understatement. Time he spent in Bosco with his father’s family had been dominated by music, both for him and his siblings.

“Yet you threw over a decade of your life away to be a _mage._ All the doors in the world open to you and you choose magic and fighting, as any of it was worthy of a man of your position. Throwing over a decade of your life away It pains me so, to have raised such a selfish child.”

Freed winced. _Selfish._ That bit close to home. Mother wasn’t wrong. What could he call his actions up to this point if not selfish? He studied dark magic because he was a bored and naive child. He ran away so he could have freedom, he stayed in Fairy Tail because it was easier than going home. Even abandoning his team was a coward’s move. In the end he couldn’t even tell them the truth to their faces. He didn’t deserve to see them again. A selfish, cowardly, spoiled child. That’s all he was.

“I… I’m sorry. I just wanted to learn magic. That’s all it started as.” Cold panic only rose higher in his chest with every word.

“For the life of me I will never understand what about it appeals to you. All wizard guilds do is lure in talented young people and toss them into danger until they’re killed. And for what? A few jewels? Your life is worth far more than those mages could even conceive of. Even when you pretended to be, you were never one of them. Tell me you at least understand _that_?”

“No, I…”

“Stop being such a child, Siegfried. You never belonged there. You were made for far greater things than magic! Or did you simply _forget_ that you are royalty?”

“No,” he said quietly. _Never._

She ignored him.

“My uncle is the Fiorian King, and your father’s father the Boscan. There isn’t a drop of your blood that isn’t royal. Do you think that comes without responsibility? You were created for a reason, Siegfried Frédéric Jean-Antoine Ferdinand de Montéclair, Prince of Fiore. Your purpose is your engagement to Princess Hisui and your future as the King of Fiore. There will be no more running from your fate. Am I understood?”

Freed’s shoulders sagged and he lowered his head. “Yes, Mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prestige!
> 
> “Hisui’s hair kinda looks like Freed’s” + “I wonder if Freed’s name is sometimes spelled ‘Fried’ because it’s supposed to be short for Siegfried” + watching a bunch of Jane Austen and Elizabeth Gaskell adaptations + “Fuck you Mashima I’m writing a backstory for Freed” + pettiness over the scarcity of good Freed content = this fic 
> 
> Just to be upfront about this- Freed has an arranged engagement with Hisui, and yes, they are also second cousins. They have the same great-grandmother. That was a pretty common thing among the nobles/aristocracy I used for worldbuilding inspiration. In fact in Pride and Prejudice, which this fic is partly inspired by, (can you guess who his mom was inspired by?) both Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are at some point “supposed” to marry their respective cousins. But! We of course still tagged and PROMISE not to be weird about it. Sound good?
> 
> Comment if you want, and happy sorta-late Fraxus day!

**Author's Note:**

> Title from A Shropshire Lad 33 by A. E. Housman:
> 
> If truth in hearts that perish  
> Could move the powers on high,  
> I think the love I bear you  
> Should make you not to die.
> 
> Sure, sure, if stedfast meaning,  
> If single thought could save,  
> The world might end to-morrow,  
> You should not see the grave.
> 
> This long and sure-set liking,  
> This boundless will to please,  
> -Oh, you should live for ever  
> If there were help in these.
> 
> But now, since all is idle,  
> To this lost heart be kind,  
> Ere to a town you journey  
> Where friends are ill to find.


End file.
